Late next week, we are leaving for one of our favorite vacations to an Austrian family hotel – Erick will bike, I will spa, Clara will play and we’ll all swim in the outdoor brine pool and eat way too much yummy food. I am excited for some much needed family down time. I may even go computer-free. I’m still trying to decide.
Anyway, instead of anticipatory gratitude for our awesome vacation coming up, this week, I started thinking about how gratitude gets a bad rap in some circles. Sometimes it is portrayed like some sort of forced march away from the essential pain of a situation and into a false, happy, state of mind. After all, as Mom used to say, there are starving children in Africa. What do we have to complain about?
For me, gratitude isn’t like that at all. Gratitude is just about creating a different perspective and appreciating the beauty of the moment. I am not a naturally pollyanna-esque, glass-full kind of gal. I have re-wired my brain over many long years to see the good in situations- and I still fail at it. There is a lot of essential pain and grief that is inherent in being human and for me, gratitude is simply a way to not get stuck in the story that everything is bad, even when it feels that way. Because to me, getting stuck in the story means we lose our options and lose our ability to be truly present. And that is true tragedy.
In the face of a crap situation, this is what gratitude looks like for me.
Step 1. Pain. Tears. Crying. Tell the story. Feel pain. Cry more. Get mad. Tell the story some more.
Step 2. Sleep. As much as possible. Grief is exhausting.
Step 3. Make friends with the achey feeling in my heart. Drop into it: meditate, practice Yoga, breathe, etc.
Step 4. Start writing. Here is where gratitude comes into play for me. I start coaching myself (or getting coached) and I start to see the impermanence of the situation (note that this is impossible if you haven’t felt the essential feelings). I take time to find things in life that are beautiful and perfect, despite what is happening – in this very moment. It doesn’t change what is happening, or the ache in my heart. But it does remind me that there is more right than wrong in any given moment of our lives. And that things will change, probably sooner than later.
It’s the difference between:
I lost my job and my life is worthless now and I don’t have money to do anything.
and
I lost my job and boy is that just yuk and ew and it makes things a lot tougher. However, while I’m looking for a job, I can spend more time with my kids and focus on getting a position that will be better than the old one. Maybe I’ll even go back to school!
Same situation, vastly different view. Do you see the gratitude inherent in the second mindset?
So today, I am grateful for the practice of gratitude itself as a way to widen the lens of my perspective. (And for the excitement of a coming vacation!) How does gratitude work in your life?
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